This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny. Chelsea Handler More Quotes by Chelsea Handler More Quotes From Chelsea Handler I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied — so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared. Chelsea Handler half today school I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life. Chelsea Handler gay humor funny Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby. Chelsea Handler tattoo baby funny If someone took the 'F' letter off me, I'd be ucked. Chelsea Handler humor letters funny I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later. Chelsea Handler party humor funny I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I dont see why I wouldnt. Im fair game, its not like Im that picky, youve seen the guys Ive dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming! Chelsea Handler humor funny sex ... some of the best sex I can barely remember. Chelsea Handler humor funny sex Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.' Chelsea Handler empowering wall successful The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack. Chelsea Handler fashion humor funny To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’ Chelsea Handler stupid may believe I definitely don't want to have kids ... I don't think I'd be a great mother. I'm a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don't want to spend that kind of time. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have time to raise a child. Chelsea Handler mother kids children Women don't have to be jealous of other women. Chelsea Handler being-jealous jealous It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. Chelsea Handler pleasure eye play We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception. Chelsea Handler humor tuesday funny You got married recently to a rapper. It doesn't take them long to impregnate women. Chelsea Handler married rapper long Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one. Chelsea Handler heathers your-best-friend mcdonalds If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month? Chelsea Handler girl months blood The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents. Chelsea Handler would-be kids thinking Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.' Chelsea Handler clubs dad thinking Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er. Chelsea Handler impatient crazy waiting
