To me the cynics are the ones in the boardrooms with the reports from the focus groups. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you? George Carlin motherrunningsports Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason George Carlin stupid-peoplecatholichumorous You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone. George Carlin pushinggonedream What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain. George Carlin datamindbrain You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. George Carlin barschocolatefeelings There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin futurehumorfunny I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you. George Carlin cokecausesheart I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis. George Carlin analysisartistthinking Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing. George Carlin shoppingaddictioncountry People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin lifefunnypeople If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. George Carlin eyepeaceworld It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge. George Carlin humornamesfunny A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate? George Carlin dreamheartpeople All patriarchal societies are either preparing for war, at war, or recovering from war. George Carlin patriarchal-societyrecoveringwar One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. George Carlin stupidsometimespeople There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster. George Carlin idiottypetwo Like on the airlines, they say they want to 'pre-board'. Well, what the hell is 'pre board'? What does that mean? To get on before you get on? George Carlin doewantmean Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive. George Carlin recordsalivenumbers It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it? George Carlin pussysawsfirsts The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill. George Carlin eyestupidgiving
