Too much comedy today is vulgar, not clever. I say that as a comedian and as a consumer. Mort Sahl More Quotes by Mort Sahl More Quotes From Mort Sahl Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen. Mort Sahl conservativepoliticspolitical My life needs editing. Mort Sahl humorouswittyfunny There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy. Mort Sahl moraldangermight There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong. Mort Sahl guytwopeople I'm for capital punishment. You've got to execute people. How else are they going to learn? Mort Sahl capital-punishmentpunishmentpeople I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically. Mort Sahl buriedchicagowant In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl. Mort Sahl blackgirlsex A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. Mort Sahl conservativereformbelieve Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole. Mort Sahl recreationconstitutionreading If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women. Mort Sahl shoppingcuttingtwo One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely. Mort Sahl narrow-mindedone-thinglonely People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely. Mort Sahl guylonelypeople The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father. Mort Sahl good-relationshipgirlfather Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual. Mort Sahl factual When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?! Mort Sahl changesaidworld Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference. Mort Sahl apologydifferenceslying Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy. Mort Sahl selfishflowermatter If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants? Mort Sahl drugwould-bekids We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others. Mort Sahl countryamericaworld The bravest thing that men do is love women. Mort Sahl funny-valentines-daysillylove
