Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons More Quotes by Red Buttons More Quotes From Red Buttons When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary. Red Buttons neckspeopleway Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! Red Buttons floridacancerfeet Alexander the Great, who said on his wedding night, It's only a nickname. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons nicknamesdinnernight Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?" Red Buttons brotherfunnytravel King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons tonightwifekings Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnerisraelchildren Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnergirlmother George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dadfatherlying Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons motherhomerunning Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnerchairsmother Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnerlampswife Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons ameliadinnersaid Maid Marion, who said to Robin Hood, I will not live in a house with a Little John. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons maidshouserobins Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnersaid George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons john-paul-iidinnergiving John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons sundaymorningnight Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnerqueensworld Venus de Milo's mother, who once said to Venus, You never call me. Can't you pick up a phone? Never got a dinner! Red Buttons venus-de-milophonesmother Queen Elizabeth, who said, Not now, I'm on the throne. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons thronesdinnerqueens Joe Torre, who switched to first base because he didn't want to go through life as Chicken Catcher Torre. Never got a dinner! Red Buttons dinnerwantfirsts
