We don't really have to make fun of religion - it makes fun of itself. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. Bill Maher atheistfunnythinking Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News. Bill Maher departurenewspeople Curious people are intersting people, I wonder why that is. Bill Maher truthwonderpeople Death is nature's way of killing you. Bill Maher killingway In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious. Bill Maher religiousaveragepeople In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency. Bill Maher republicanpartycrazy Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you Bill Maher assdoctorsasks President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy. Bill Maher egyptwhitegiving You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking, what he secretly wants to change. Anger with Bush was based on what he actually did. What Bush was thinking didn't matter. Because he wasn't. Bill Maher differenceshatredthinking New Rule: Since our new national position on science is, "Screw it, we prefer witchcraft," let's not just retire the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's drive it to one of the five stupidest States and have the locals beat it with sticks. Putting it in a museum is too dangerous. Someone could steal it, fly it into space and notice we revolve around the sun. Bill Maher atlantisspacemuseums Religion is insanity by consensus. Bill Maher atheisminsanityreligion Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys aren't just firearm enthusiasts — you're ammosexuals. And before you try and deny you have some sort of unnatural romantic relationship with your gun, consider this. You're taking it out to dinner! Because it completes you. Get a room. Bill Maher gunnamespeople I don't believe in a lot of things from the Bronze Age, but an eye for an eye does make a sort of symmetrical sense to me. I really believe that if somebody takes a life, that [death penalty] is what they should get. I also think it's a lot more humane than keeping people in a cage for the rest of their life. Bill Maher eyebelievethinking The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign affairs very much, unless it comes right to their doorstep. They all learn history through wars. They learn geography through wars. Bill Maher usawarpeople Attorney General John Ashcroft is in intensive care. He's suffering from a severe case of pancreatitis, which they can't really figure out because he's not really a drinker. They think he might have picked up some type of infection while wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights. Bill Maher sufferingrightsthinking Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention. Bill Maher stupidcountryamerica March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.' Bill Maher marchkansasamerica The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor. Bill Maher islamwalldifferences When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they'd said or did when they were in office. Bill Maher officewishpeople Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you know? And that's OK, you're willing to make that purchase. Sammy Davis, Jr. was 64 when he died. Give me 64 Sammy-years, I'll be happy. Bill Maher perfectfunyears
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