We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.

Robert Orben

Categorized in : People Enough Use

Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

vacation different rain

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

volunteer believe people

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

funny-happy-birthday funny-birthday birthday

Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

basketball baseball sports

For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.

smell father kids

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

funny-love confused girl

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

oil government energy

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

general-motors motor luck

Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.

baseball hope football

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.

features term running

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

crooks stories people

Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?

bounce checks figures

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

profit prophet wall

It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.

awful wife years

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

valentines-day girl heart

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.

sense-of-humor jokes age

Humor is a marvelous communications tool, as Reagan has demonstrated so well. He has weathered many a storm that others might not have. With Reagan, people just say, 'There he goes again.' A sense of humor allows a president to back off a little from the tensions of the moment and take a calmer view of things.

communication views people

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

honest speech emotion

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

money suffering funny

A toast to the weapons of war, may they rust in peace.

rust weapons war