Went to the paper shop - it had blown away. Tommy Cooper More Quotes by Tommy Cooper More Quotes From Tommy Cooper A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants." Tommy Cooper party humor funny I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.' Tommy Cooper humor sorry funny My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed. Tommy Cooper humor dog funny Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then Tommy Cooper wells doctors i-can A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'. Tommy Cooper humor men funny I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair. Tommy Cooper humor hair funny So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights". Tommy Cooper light kings men I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain. Tommy Cooper mountain ends tails I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. Tommy Cooper humor funny years A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." Tommy Cooper humor men funny I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. Tommy Cooper lunch humor funny A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. Tommy Cooper humor men funny So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window. Tommy Cooper humor doors funny My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds. Tommy Cooper humor night funny It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. Tommy Cooper library humorous funny I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. Tommy Cooper camouflage humor funny Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Tommy Cooper humor funny two A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. Tommy Cooper bowls mines strong I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. Tommy Cooper doctors monday funny I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four. Tommy Cooper horse humor funny
