What I need is a search engine that, no matter what I type in, comes back with GO BACK TO WORK. Dave Barry More Quotes by Dave Barry More Quotes From Dave Barry People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. Dave Barry religiousviewspeople If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. Dave Barry atheisthumanityreligion The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything. Dave Barry menlongyears There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them. Dave Barry sunshineinspiringtwo As sensitive and broad-minded humans, we must never allow ourselves to be in any way judgmental of the religious practices of other people, even when these people clearly are raving space loons. Dave Barry spacereligiouspractice The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. Dave Barry birthdayinspirationalbelieve If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' Dave Barry life-and-lovehumorbusiness A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all. Dave Barry humorousnew-yorkfunny Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities. Dave Barry coloradoemergenciesyears Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. Dave Barry cardoganimal The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. Dave Barry winterfootballsports Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. Dave Barry humorsportsfunny It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. Dave Barry rainopportunitytravel I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up. Dave Barry musichatefunny Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry drinkingfunbook The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses. Dave Barry cakeglasseshumorous Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages Dave Barry inspirational-lifelearningtravel You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that! Dave Barry intelligencedoggiving In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" Dave Barry christmasatheistchristian You should not confuse your career with your life. Dave Barry careersfarewellwork
