Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year. P. J. O'Rourke money christmas funny There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. P. J. O'Rourke xmas christmas funny Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us. P. J. O'Rourke democracies-have democracy government Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening. P. J. O'Rourke suffering country america We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it. P. J. O'Rourke republican choices past The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. P. J. O'Rourke proven average america Guns are always the best method for a private suicide. They are more stylish looking than single-edged razor blades and natural gas has got so expensive. Drugs are too chancy. You might miscalculate the dosage and just have a good time. P. J. O'Rourke drug gun suicide Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive. P. J. O'Rourke girlfriend food cute When are the world's political parties going to get appropriate symbols: snake, louse, jackal, ... trash can, clown face, ... dollar bill with bat wings on it? P. J. O'Rourke snakes party wings Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of. P. J. O'Rourke microeconomics macroeconomics government Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint. P. J. O'Rourke humorous drinking funny I'm a political conservative. P. J. O'Rourke conservative political The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. P. J. O'Rourke party government humorous The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. P. J. O'Rourke new-year clever inspirational A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. P. J. O'Rourke fashion life funny Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue. P. J. O'Rourke divorce pawns children There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon. P. J. O'Rourke scary facts people If government were a product, selling it would be illegal. P. J. O'Rourke liberty government would-be Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. P. J. O'Rourke food funny children Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! P. J. O'Rourke married excellent parent
