When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner More Quotes by Rita Rudner More Quotes From Rita Rudner One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes. Rita Rudner envelopesofficejobs I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it. Rita Rudner decidedcomicdesire Natural childbirth scares me. I think before you have natural childbirth you should find out how big the baby is. Three pounds -- natural childbirth. Anything over three pounds -- heroin. Rita Rudner scarebabythinking If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. Rita Rudner humormenfunny Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important. Rita Rudner humormenfunny I paid attention to not being a comedian, and just concentrated on being who I was. That is what you have to do. If you say you are a comedian that has been done before. If you just be who you are then you are unique. Everyone is unique. Rita Rudner be-who-you-arecomedianunique Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. Rita Rudner humormorningfunny My Vegas act is how I make my money. Rita Rudner vegas Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying Rita Rudner summermenlying Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit. Rita Rudner humormenfunny Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A. Rita Rudner doctorshumorfunny If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. Rita Rudner feel-goodfeelslaughing There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. Rita Rudner differentsarcasticpersonality Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." Rita Rudner husbandfunnysex I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh. Rita Rudner tableswantlaughing Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. Rita Rudner humormenfunny When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. Rita Rudner humorsportsfunny No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. Rita Rudner humormenfunny I'm going to start water skiing someday...as soon as I can separate it from being dragged by a boat. Rita Rudner water-skiingsomedayboat I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them. Rita Rudner pregnancyfunnychildren
