When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate. Phyllis Diller More Quotes by Phyllis Diller More Quotes From Phyllis Diller Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war. Phyllis Diller tragedy would-be war Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves. Phyllis Diller fighting morning inspirational Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it. Phyllis Diller marrying tennis sports My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car. Phyllis Diller ankles car sex self-pity is better than none. Phyllis Diller self-pity pity self Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn. Phyllis Diller men sex thinking Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty. Phyllis Diller adjusting humor way On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother. Phyllis Diller grandparent grandmother baby I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband. Phyllis Diller husband It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. Phyllis Diller ill-will blow inspirational When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown. Phyllis Diller grease snow night Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed. Phyllis Diller pills sloth funny Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like. Phyllis Diller modern-life fruitcake people My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle Phyllis Diller hated inspiration mother Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed! Phyllis Diller parlor inspirational people It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister. Phyllis Diller size juniors inspirational I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power. Phyllis Diller dope sound want My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows. Phyllis Diller bouquets elbows faces Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction. Phyllis Diller husband wind funny Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE. Phyllis Diller splits spirit firsts
