When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred. Rodney Dangerfield salarynameslife It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you. Rodney Dangerfield nicemotivationalinspirational When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with. Rodney Dangerfield smartcleverfunny When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" Rodney Dangerfield doctorsconfusionlooks I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield comedymotivationalfunny On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield halloweenhumorfunny My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield sexyhomeinspirational I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel. Rodney Dangerfield switzerlandno-respectrespect I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield parentfunnyscience With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach. Rodney Dangerfield dancerrespectgirl Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire. Rodney Dangerfield cakehumorfunny My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. Rodney Dangerfield wifewaterfunny I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Rodney Dangerfield hockeyfightingsports My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield calendarsjealousywife When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again." Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnykids I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now." Rodney Dangerfield girlmorningfunny One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. Rodney Dangerfield homefunnymoving When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake. Rodney Dangerfield lakeshomewater My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg. Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnysex If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer. Rodney Dangerfield making-loveifsfire
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