When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. Henny Youngman More Quotes by Henny Youngman More Quotes From Henny Youngman If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. Henny Youngman humor life funny My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable. Henny Youngman horse home funny I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five. Henny Youngman gambling horse past You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler. Henny Youngman insult humor funny I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. Henny Youngman i-can-do-it eye can-do Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside. Henny Youngman hate rain children I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off! Henny Youngman humor men funny My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo. Henny Youngman family brother funny A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food. Henny Youngman teenage baby inspirational The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window! Henny Youngman humor keys funny I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings! Henny Youngman humor funny two Take my wife... Please! Henny Youngman my-wife please wife A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out. Henny Youngman humor keys funny Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. Henny Youngman humor men funny I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller. Henny Youngman vegas gambling airplane A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up. Henny Youngman humor men funny A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters. Henny Youngman motels dollars giving-up I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free? Henny Youngman idiot paid My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better. Henny Youngman my-wife sense-of-humor wife 2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!" Henny Youngman wife humor funny
