When you're famous you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full Madonna kit - it doesn't work: my stupid face is too big. Noel Fielding More Quotes by Noel Fielding More Quotes From Noel Fielding People said, ‘You must be mad, or on drugs,’ which I found a bit disappointing. What about imagination? It reflects our time that people sooner assume you’re on drugs or mad, rather than free. Noel Fielding madimaginationpeople All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead. Noel Fielding parkscatdog Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them. Noel Fielding depressingrealityworld It's impossible to be unhappy while wearing a poncho! Noel Fielding ponchosunhappyimpossible Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness. Noel Fielding ponchoshumorfunny I had always drawn, every day as long as I had held a pencil, and just assumed everyone else had too…Art had saved me and helped me fit in…Art was always my saving grace…Comedy didn’t come until much later for me. I’ve always tried to combine the two things, art and comedy, and couldn’t make a choice between the two. It was always my ambition to make comedy with an art-school slant, and art that could be funny instead of po-faced. Noel Fielding ambitionartschool When I was 13 I told my dad I'd rather kill myself than do an ordinary job. He vaguely muttered something about how I'd need to earn a living somehow, but he's been totally behind me, forking out money he didn't really have to send me to university. Every other comedian I've met had to fight their parents to be allowed to do this but mine have been brilliant. Noel Fielding dadfightingjobs I visited a friend in Leicester recently. It was 4am and we all ran around in a circle, six of us. It’s the most fun I’ve had since i was seven. And I thought: it’s not about drink, or drugs, or fancy clubs. It’s about running around in your socks, changing direction in a front room in Leicester. Noel Fielding circlesrunningfun When I'm 70 I might be a man in a park just wandering around, speaking in tongues with kids throwing bread at me. Noel Fielding humorfunnykids I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try it on with me more than I'm comfortable with. It's strange, because I think I look like a troll wearing a woman's wig backwards. Noel Fielding humorfunnythinking When you start, it's not to do with the material so much. It's more to do with how you can control a crowd and make friends with an audience and sell your brand of humor. Noel Fielding crowdsaudiencematerials There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo. Noel Fielding hatehumorfunny Never try and go on a solo mission on your own. Noel Fielding humortryingfunny Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy. Noel Fielding humorboysfunny I've had a really weird day, some joker threw bamboo in the penguin enclosure. They all vaulted out. It was a nightmare, it took me all morning to get them back in. Noel Fielding humormorningfunny You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once. Noel Fielding arsesstuckfingers You know the black bits in bananas? Are they tarantulas' eggs? Noel Fielding bananasblackeggs When I was 14, I saw someone getting their face and wrists slashed with a knife in a pub in Catford. Nobody lifted a finger. That's when I realised that violence wasn't funny. At all. Noel Fielding kniveshumorfunny Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a trick pie! Noel Fielding humoreyefunny I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. Noel Fielding tinymeanway
