When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank. Bob Newhart More Quotes by Bob Newhart More Quotes From Bob Newhart One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people. Bob Newhart boss wind people I've done more than I thought I was ever going to do. I've had a very long and very satisfying career. Bob Newhart careers done long You may not think I'm a sex symbol, but I became a father at the age of 48. Now young people think of me as a mini-folk hero because it's difficult for them to believe a man of my age is sexually active. Bob Newhart hero father sex I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do. Bob Newhart test never accounting reason With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. Bob Newhart phone cell-phone talking people Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time. Bob Newhart you change time past No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing. Bob Newhart like matter sound laughing The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place. Bob Newhart place sense-of-humor humor world I'm not what you'd call a Method actor. Bob Newhart actor call you method I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time! Bob Newhart wife time morning remember I certainly don't delude myself that there aren't certainly more important things to do in life than make people laugh, but I can't imagine anything that would bring me more joy. Bob Newhart myself me life people I've had time off, and it drove me nuts. I was crawling up the wall. Bob Newhart up me nuts time Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century. Bob Newhart us turn insight life I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me. Bob Newhart every-day friend day me
