Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow. Walter Matthau More Quotes by Walter Matthau More Quotes From Walter Matthau My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. Walter Matthau hilarious life funny There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death! Walter Matthau late too-late I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it. Walter Matthau funny-relationship wife mind I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I am the guy next door. I could play Catholic, Jewish, Protestant. As a matter of fact, when I did The Odd Couple, I would do it a different way each night. On Monday I'd be Jewish, Tuesday Italian, Wednesday Irish-German-and I would mix them up. I did that to amuse myself, and it always worked. Walter Matthau couple monday art I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body. Walter Matthau fart talent body My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month. Walter Matthau eight dollars mother I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy. Walter Matthau nice white giving I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States. Walter Matthau united-states president thinking Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that. Walter Matthau plutonium couple personality You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest. Walter Matthau catholic father thinking Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end. Walter Matthau bitter stubborn advice To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks. Walter Matthau break successful needs It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are. Walter Matthau nobody-knows easy knows I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie. Walter Matthau ears listening We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines? Walter Matthau together writing book The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty. Walter Matthau bed girl firsts I wasn't handsome. I didn't have good clothes. I used to wonder why people would hire me when they could get college graduates and Oxford scholars. Then it became apparent that when I got up on a stage, people actually wanted to look at me. Walter Matthau good look me people Perfection, to me ,means you spend much too much time trying to be perfect. Walter Matthau me you perfection time When I was about eighteen, I saw myself as a rather sensitive, delicate, poetic, romantic figure. And then I got into the Civilian Conservation Corps and into the army, and I started smoking and drinking and being tough and getting muscles, and I had a whole different image of myself. Walter Matthau myself army smoking romantic I can relate to anything. I once played Macbeth. I got a lot of laughs, so I quit. Walter Matthau quit anything i-quit i-can
