Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. Groucho Marx mothers-daylovefunny No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. Groucho Marx workmenfunny We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. Groucho Marx humorinspirationfunny Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do! Groucho Marx famous-last-wordshalloweenlasts A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx laughterfunnychildren If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong. Groucho Marx wisdomwittyfunny If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. Groucho Marx september-11poetryinspiration I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? Groucho Marx crazysillyfunny The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made. Groucho Marx fakehonestytwo Room service? Send up a larger room. Groucho Marx crazywittyfunny Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while Groucho Marx whalesusedinspiration Go, and never darken my towels again Groucho Marx humorinspirationfunny It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going. Groucho Marx prosperityhard-timessociety If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers. Groucho Marx incomegovernmentfeet I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. Groucho Marx haterainfunny Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. Groucho Marx sex-and-lovesexyfunny I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure. Groucho Marx inchestape I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. Groucho Marx humorinspirationfunny
