With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink. George Burns More Quotes by George Burns More Quotes From George Burns Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there. George Burns funny-love love-you relationship When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns humorous witty funny I'd rather be over the hill than under it. George Burns over-the-hill hills Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate. George Burns falling-in-love hate successful I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem. George Burns drinking funny fall Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns witty teacher funny I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked. George Burns worry believe people Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. George Burns inspirational life funny There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed. George Burns car light doors I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. George Burns complaining witty funny There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men. George Burns humor funny sex Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. George Burns nice strong ideas When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.' George Burns doctors humor funny Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle. George Burns good-woman humor funny I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. George Burns humorous funny kids I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini. George Burns spills martini jogging If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral. George Burns doctors funeral taken When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end. George Burns good-job horse jobs Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net. George Burns games play men It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair. George Burns cutting hair running
