You can't have your kayak and heat it. Denis Norden More Quotes by Denis Norden More Quotes From Denis Norden It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May. Denis Norden wifefansbaseball There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car. Denis Norden unseencarbird If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from? Denis Norden playermenworld It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered. Denis Norden holidaymemorieschildren What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions? Denis Norden pretensionharpscheese Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater. Denis Norden sweatersholidayage And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out. Denis Norden scarymaythinking Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday. Denis Norden wanttuesdaytelevision You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D. Denis Norden togethertwopeople A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten. Denis Norden tentenors I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny. Denis Norden challengeswritingpeople The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up. Denis Norden comedianusesong I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days. Denis Norden these-daysdecision If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it. Denis Norden maliciouslaughtershows Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh. Denis Norden processorshardlaughing You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable to do in bed is r-e-a-d. Denis Norden somethingknowyoubed If it ain't baroque, don't fax it. Denis Norden faxbaroque Almost all comedy is of its time. You can't expect audiences now to laugh at what amused people 60 years ago. Denis Norden laughyoutimepeople Frank liked administrative work and was good at it. Denis Norden goodadministrativefrankwork Everyone who appears in a scene gets paid. Denis Norden everyonewhopaidscene
