You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted. W. C. Fields gamblingalcoholhalf Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. W. C. Fields cleverwittyfunny You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living. W. C. Fields atheismpeoplereligion Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. W. C. Fields moneymotivationalinspirational I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get. W. C. Fields agewittyfunny If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. W. C. Fields inspirationallifefunny I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W. C. Fields drinkingwittyfunny Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. W. C. Fields goodnessfunnysex Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. W. C. Fields partyinspirationalfunny I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. W. C. Fields invitedargumentemotion Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places. W. C. Fields niceunhappy I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes? W. C. Fields foodwaterway Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields inspirationallovelife If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. W. C. Fields baffleddazzlewitty Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C. W. C. Fields beersexpeople Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas W. C. Fields xmasreligiousprayer I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. W. C. Fields comedyprejudicehate I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. W. C. Fields indecisiveindecisionused Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. W. C. Fields horsecrazyfunny A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. W. C. Fields drinkingfunnybook
