You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.

Dennis Miller

Categorized in : Problem Educational Comedy

The quarterback's spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

may football boys

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living. by Dennis Miller

Everybody has to sell out at some point to make a living.

sells

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicide... by Dennis Miller

How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?

highways suicide animal

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.

humor funny people

Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

optimistic real white

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is followin... by Dennis Miller

I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round.

long way thinking

Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars.

coins leader people

The very definition of the innate hollowness of leading a political life when you end up on your nearest and dearest moments or most personal evenings with donors. That should - that should tell you all you need to know about the ramble that is politics.

definitions political needs

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let's start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people's jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.

burgers people looks

Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own fo... by Dennis Miller

Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse.

party parent children

I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

digging nice house

The way I've always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I'm smart enough to know that I'm dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That's all I do.

smart dumb people

Drop the veneer periodically and be like "OK, I'm an imperfect human. Let's try to get through this."

veneer imperfect trying

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

taught self-esteem school

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash and they're going to kill you.

catholic people thinking

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.

splinters entering groups

By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can't go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.

events teacher thinking

I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.

pavlov dog thinking

When your mother starts using the word "party" as a verb about he... by Dennis Miller

When your mother starts using the word "party" as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy.

party crazy mother

When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell.

mud holes hell