You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork. Al Yankovic More Quotes by Al Yankovic More Quotes From Al Yankovic As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy. Al Yankovic dad able father If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under. Al Yankovic toilets political paper That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them. I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I'll catch up. Al Yankovic depth comfort trying As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.” Al Yankovic fools-day wise men Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely. Al Yankovic hamburgers sick years If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it. Al Yankovic money-cant-buy-happiness sassy ifs My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child. Al Yankovic only-child brother children I try not to go the obvious route all the time, but sometimes the most obvious is actually the best. Al Yankovic obvious trying sometimes There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall. Al Yankovic library cutting guy It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III. Al Yankovic military war peace That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism. Al Yankovic gateways reading kids As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not. Al Yankovic suits doe stuff I'm an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation. Al Yankovic bags girl hair I can't get too offended when somebody parodies me. Al Yankovic offended parody i-can You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love. Al Yankovic bungee towers relationship I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know. Al Yankovic stuff attention looks I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing. Al Yankovic geek comedy important I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW! Al Yankovic careers song hands People that were a little nerdy in high school would look up to me and know it gets better. Al Yankovic get-better people school I think my chances of ever making it into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s. Al Yankovic rock-n-roll rocks thinking
