You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator. Rodney Dangerfield machines wife alive Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt. Rodney Dangerfield receipts size wife My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer. Rodney Dangerfield worst wife dog When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me. Rodney Dangerfield mother funny sex What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself. Rodney Dangerfield humor dog funny I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids. Rodney Dangerfield hemorrhoids sitting world At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed. Rodney Dangerfield christmas-time grandpa waiting I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with. Rodney Dangerfield money inspiring funny My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope! Rodney Dangerfield rope life-is-like sex I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars. Rodney Dangerfield real funny moving I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't. Rodney Dangerfield mets girl beautiful Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel. Rodney Dangerfield humor boys funny my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens Rodney Dangerfield screens cooking Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks. Rodney Dangerfield fortune-cookie cookies guy When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me. Rodney Dangerfield jealous dog years People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind. Rodney Dangerfield morning wind people My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh. Rodney Dangerfield mirrors dog sex My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away! Rodney Dangerfield car humor funny My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday. Rodney Dangerfield suicidal humor funny My only thrill is self inflicted hickies. Rodney Dangerfield humor self funny
