You want your lady to be a contortionist. What man wouldn't want a lady who's a contortionist? J. B. Smoove More Quotes by J. B. Smoove More Quotes From J. B. Smoove I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me. J. B. Smoove funny-videos chance people Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel. J. B. Smoove mothers-day mother father Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware? J. B. Smoove tupperware phones stuff You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power? J. B. Smoove pants motivation trying Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove. J. B. Smoove dancer hip-hop names You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity. J. B. Smoove pieces bread fall You can't let people take advantage of you. Go get that ass. J. B. Smoove ass advantage people Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man. J. B. Smoove sometimes men mean Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living. J. B. Smoove more-time alive trying You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him? J. B. Smoove chickens taste house All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest. J. B. Smoove wells life-is To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has. J. B. Smoove signatures wrestling moving I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, and the oxygen masks fell from the ceiling. We felt the plane dropping; the pilot was taking it down to regain cabin pressure. My heart was in my stomach. I found out after landing that her mom was in labor. I did the show and came back to New York. By the time I walked into the hospital, my daughter was being born. She was waiting for me. She's a sweet daddy's girl. She's premed. She has her own pie company. She works for Habitat for Humanity. J. B. Smoove daughter girl mom At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life. J. B. Smoove ass ultimate lists What happens in improv is you create your own storyline. J. B. Smoove storyline happens You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple. J. B. Smoove apples iphone months I'm putting on a suit and tie when I go see The Great Gatsby. J. B. Smoove suits-and-ties suits ties Damn! This flight attendant treating us like we won these first class tickets in a contest. J. B. Smoove tickets class firsts There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts. J. B. Smoove smart book people Just broke up with somebody. Well, it wasn't really a break up, it was a booty call I might have took too serious. J. B. Smoove booty serious might
