Mort Sahl Professions : Comedian Born : May 11, 1927 Browse All Authors Top 85 quotes by Mort Sahl Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen. Mort Sahl conservative politics political My life needs editing. Mort Sahl humorous witty funny There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy. Mort Sahl moral danger might There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong. Mort Sahl guy two people I'm for capital punishment. You've got to execute people. How else are they going to learn? Mort Sahl capital-punishment punishment people I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically. Mort Sahl buried chicago want In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl. Mort Sahl black girl sex A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. Mort Sahl conservative reform believe Obama says his recreation consists of reading the Constitution... looking for a loophole. Mort Sahl recreation constitution reading If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women. Mort Sahl shopping cutting two One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely. Mort Sahl narrow-minded one-thing lonely People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely. Mort Sahl guy lonely people The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father. Mort Sahl good-relationship girl father Everything I tell you is true, but this is factual. Mort Sahl factual When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?! Mort Sahl change said world Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference. Mort Sahl apology differences lying Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy. Mort Sahl selfish flower matter If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants? Mort Sahl drug would-be kids We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others. Mort Sahl country america world The bravest thing that men do is love women. Mort Sahl funny-valentines-day silly love Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors
