Frank Carson

Professions :

Comedian

Born :

November 6, 1926

Died :

February 22, 2012

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to kno... by Frank Carson

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

husband humor funny

My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

humor love-you funny

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."

humor men funny

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

humor men funny

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

octopus humor funny

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

humor men funny

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."

humor men funny

It's my wife Ruth's birthday soon. I said to her: "What would you like for your birthday?" She said: "I want a divorce." I said: "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

divorce humor funny

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

doctors humor funny

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

humor doors funny

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: "What have you brought?" He said: "I brought a pair of knickers." They asked: "What has that got to do with Christmas?" He said "They're Carol's."

party humor funny

A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."

humor brother funny

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made... by Frank Carson

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

shoes humor funny

A girl asks her doctor, "Doctor, I've forgotten to take my contradictory pill!" The doctor says: "Are you ignorant?" The girl says: "Yes, three months!"

girl humor funny

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sa... by Frank Carson

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

car humor funny

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

humor funny two

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

humor sheep funny

What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.

differences humor funny

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance... by Frank Carson

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

nuisance humor funny

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way... by Frank Carson

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?"

humor funny way

Bob Hope

Brent Weinbach

Buddy Hackett

Bruce Baum

Brother Theodore

Brother Dave Gardner

All Authors