Thomas Beecham Professions : ConductorBorn : April 29, 1879Died : March 8, 1961 Browse All Authors Top 45 quotes by Thomas Beecham The function of music is to release us from the tyranny of conscious thought. Thomas Beecham releasefunctionconscious Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it. Thomas Beecham scratchesmusicalgiving The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm. Thomas Beecham skeletonsmusicaltwo "Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some." Thomas Beecham beliefheardbelieve The trouble with women in an orchestra is that if they're attractive it will upset my players and if they're not it will upset me. Thomas Beecham upsetmusicplayer I find brass bands have a melancholy sound. All right out of doors, of course - fifty miles away. Like bagpipes, they turn what had been a dream into a public nuisance. Thomas Beecham brass-bandsdreamdoors Music first and last should sound well, should allure and enchant the ear. Never mind the inner significance. Thomas Beecham musicsoundmind Composers should write tunes that chauffeurs and errand boys can whistle. Thomas Beecham tuneswritingboys It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. Thomas Beecham sarcasmsarcasticpeople We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again. Thomas Beecham good-enoughmusicalenough There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between. Thomas Beecham musicfunnytwo They are quite hopeless - drooling, driveling, doleful, depressing, dropsical drips. Thomas Beecham dolefulhopelessdepressing Composers and musicians have always starved and, as this is a sentimental country, we think the tradition should be continued. Thomas Beecham musicalcountrythinking A soprano in Massenet's Don Quixote complained that she had missed her entry in the aria, "because Mr. Challiapin always dies too soon." "Madam, you must be profoundly in error," said Sir Thomas, "No operatic star has yet died half soon enough for me." Thomas Beecham soon-enougherrorsstars If I were a dictator I should make it compulsory for every member of the population between the ages of four and eighty to listen to Mozart for at least a quarter of an hour daily for the coming five years. Thomas Beecham populationageyears At a rehearsal I let the orchestra play as they like. At the concert I make them play as I like. Thomas Beecham orchestrarehearsalplay The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes. Thomas Beecham musiclovefunny Her singing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on. Thomas Beecham brakesingingmusical Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man. Thomas Beecham musiclastsmen If an opera cannot be played by an organ grinder, it's not going to achieve immortality. Thomas Beecham immortalityoperaachieve Similar Authors Bruno Walter conductor Arturo Toscanini conductor Artur Rodzinski conductor Anton Seidl conductor Andre Kostelanetz conductor Bernard Haitink conductorAll Authors