A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Steven Wright More Quotes by Steven Wright More Quotes From Steven Wright Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait." Steven Wright humorfunnythinking I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? Steven Wright icehumorfunny If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. Steven Wright computerhumorfunny I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. Steven Wright readinglifefunny If God dropped acid, would he see people? Steven Wright dropping-acidhumorfunny If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? Steven Wright humorswimfunny When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving. Steven Wright humorrealfunny What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? Steven Wright humorfunnylooks Whatever happened to preparations A through G? Steven Wright preparationhumorfunny Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Steven Wright cattlesense-of-humorlaughing My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. Steven Wright thicknesshumorfunny All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. Steven Wright catinsanitypeople Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright wittyfunnycountry I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child. Steven Wright keystwochildren I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it. Steven Wright shellsseabeach Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero. Steven Wright blackzeromath Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane? Steven Wright parkshonormind Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright sarcasmcatsarcastic A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright laughterwittyfunny I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Steven Wright hilarioushumorousfunny
