A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. Fred Allen More Quotes by Fred Allen More Quotes From Fred Allen The world is a grindstone and life is your nose Fred Allen noses life world Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. Fred Allen stars humor funny He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone. Fred Allen motivational inspirational life Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. Fred Allen teaching success funny Television is a triumph of equipment over people. Fred Allen gnats triumph people There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. Fred Allen funny-jokes kind two He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down. Fred Allen growing-up humor funny The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners. Fred Allen luxury queens funny I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward. Fred Allen wife eye two After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins. Fred Allen aspirin radio money An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. Fred Allen congratulations success life I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. Fred Allen names inspirational memories A molehill man is a pseudo-busy executive who comes to work at 9 AM and finds a molehill on his desk. He has until 5 PM to make this molehill into a mountain. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch. Fred Allen humor work funny Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all. Fred Allen eye mind brain Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by. Fred Allen cry lines littles A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. Fred Allen teamwork inspirational funny With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely. Fred Allen frozen able promise Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. Fred Allen humor funny long My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. Fred Allen funny father children Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs. Fred Allen paris cooking food
