A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along. Groucho Marx mothers-day funny children Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor. Groucho Marx humorous witty funny I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing. Groucho Marx bed gone beautiful I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right. Groucho Marx hate love funny Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy. Groucho Marx fathers-day humor funny Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks. Groucho Marx ducks successful love The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar. Groucho Marx liars witty funny It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Groucho Marx fool design impossible Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world. Groucho Marx success america world He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell his size, with the result that frequently he'd make a pair of pants with one trouser leg seven or eight inches longer than the other. Groucho Marx men believe father But what makes wage slaves? Wages! Groucho Marx slave wages inspiration This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written. Groucho Marx reading funny book Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married. Groucho Marx marriage might funny Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Groucho Marx marriage crazy funny Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar. Groucho Marx cigar choices smoking Home is where you hang your head. Groucho Marx sweet-home architecture home Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it. Groucho Marx cracks wise doubt I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. Groucho Marx humor inspiration funny TV is the rat race of the century. Groucho Marx tvs rats race I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement. Groucho Marx marriage men thinking
