Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift. Andy Rooney More Quotes by Andy Rooney More Quotes From Andy Rooney I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it. Andy Rooney i-can feels Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is. Andy Rooney gone knows time Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter. Andy Rooney safety health vegetarianism We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness. Andy Rooney privacy loneliness desire My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes. Andy Rooney walking-away clothes wife Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us. Andy Rooney trying people world I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you. Andy Rooney funny-life lucky age Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won't work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs. Andy Rooney selfish sorry thinking We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it. Andy Rooney change mistake attitude I don't know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you've taken a pill out? Andy Rooney pills bottles taken When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools. Andy Rooney things-in-life education school A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation. Andy Rooney advice giving two Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time. Andy Rooney war people world Why am I an atheist? I ask you: Why is anybody not an atheist? Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated. I resent anyone pushing their religion on me. I don't push my atheism on anybody else. Live and let live. Not many people practice that when it comes to religion. Andy Rooney atheist practice people Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love.' Beep. 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.' Andy Rooney being-positive great-day machines I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true. Andy Rooney hoaxes atheist wish I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. Andy Rooney serious matter needs I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done. Andy Rooney i-have-learned ive-learned done Death is a distant rumor to the young. Andy Rooney rumor humor death The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough. Andy Rooney music careers air
