Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime. Red Skelton More Quotes by Red Skelton More Quotes From Red Skelton God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being. Red Skelton reason happiness children Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles. Red Skelton taken spring happiness A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. ' Red Skelton three successful school I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up. Red Skelton nuts laughing long We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas Red Skelton texas inspiration sleep She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. Red Skelton humor bread funny Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Red Skelton wife letting-go hands Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap Red Skelton inspiration mother dirty I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em. Red Skelton ems hate enemy I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything - sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh. Red Skelton laughing mean people If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God. Red Skelton purpose age people You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first. Red Skelton lasts night firsts I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away. Red Skelton sixth-sense five making-money I'd have avoided some of the pain if I could. Anyone would. But I wouldn't have missed knowing any of the people-even the ones whose leaving hurt most. In fact, the only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't meet one particular guy, a clown named Joe Skelton. You know, he sure picked the right profession. I mean, a clown's got it all. He never has to hold back: He can do as he pleases. The mouth and the eyes are painted on. So if you wanta cry, you can go right ahead. The make up won't smear. You'll still be smiling. . . . Red Skelton pain hurt sorry Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too? Red Skelton prayer would-be school You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist. Red Skelton age mind birthday Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce Red Skelton divorce inspiration numbers Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. Red Skelton exercise golf running I get plenty of exercise carrying the coffins of my friends who exercise. Red Skelton coffins exercise friendship I won't mind dying if I can tell St. Peter a joke he hasn't heard. Red Skelton life-and-death dying mind
