Apparently the only thing worse than a terrorist attack, is a gay man stopping it! Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart Al-Qaeda's resurgence brings out the worst in the Bush Administration's math and logic. Jon Stewart administration als math When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds. Jon Stewart bounds court president My life was typical. I played a little Little League baseball. I never wanted for food. I always had shoes. I had a room. There were no great tragedies. There were the typical ups and downs but I wouldn' t say it was at all sad. We were Jewish and living in the suburbs so there was a slightly neurotic bent to it, but I can't point to anything where a boy overcame a tragedy to become a comedian. As my grandmother used to say, 'I can't complain. Jon Stewart grandmother baseball boys So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke. Jon Stewart jokes sound negative Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims there are no homosexuals in Iran, just like there are no gay conservatives in the US. Jon Stewart iran gay president I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them. Jon Stewart bombing country I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.' Jon Stewart gay cities rights Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song. Jon Stewart blessed song people Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die. Jon Stewart smart inspire people This morning, prompted by increasing concerns about terrorism, oil prices reached a record high as the cost of a barrel of crude is a whopping $44.34. Wow, it seems shocking that a product of finite supply gets more expensive the more we use it. Now the terror alert means higher oil prices, which oddly enough means higher profits for oil companies giving them more money to give to politicians whose policies may favor the oil companies such as raising the terror alert level. As Simba once told us: "It's the circle of life." Jon Stewart circles morning mean Thus, I've created humour. Jon Stewart humour I've always run by the hierarchy of "If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something." Jon Stewart running fun interesting And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k. Jon Stewart trying might giving Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts. Jon Stewart liberal-media cartoon nuts Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch. Jon Stewart amazing-opportunities scratches opportunity Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell you from last year, uh, even if they do like chocolate, they don't want it from their son. Jon Stewart fathers-day valentine son That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material. Jon Stewart space age funny On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks. Jon Stewart society three average The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too. Jon Stewart party tea believe It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods. Jon Stewart atlanta different kings
