Apparently the only thing worse than a terrorist attack, is a gay man stopping it! Jon Stewart More Quotes by Jon Stewart More Quotes From Jon Stewart Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays, so there is a plural, which in the English language necessitates the use of the letter "S." Now, I suppose you could say "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" but you probably have sh*t to do. Jon Stewart new-year christmas funny Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it. Jon Stewart gay politics country Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. Jon Stewart public-speaking jokes firsts Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up will provide a needed jolt. If that doesn't work, North Korea has to go. Jon Stewart korea president long I feel your scorn, and I accept it. Jon Stewart scorn accepting feels President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent. Jon Stewart approval-rating riding president In South Carolina, Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in. Jon Stewart south-carolina winning promise Throughout his life, General Wesley Clark has stood up to some tough opponents. He battled the Viet Cong, and went toe-to-toe with Slobodan Milosevic. But today the retired four-star general capitulated to the fiercest enemy he's ever confronted: the American voter. Jon Stewart american-voters stars enemy President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth. Jon Stewart mars president mean The United States Central Command of the Armed Forces has asked Geraldo Rivera to leave Iraq. It should also be noted that the only three other people that the U.S. military has asked to leave Iraq are Saddam Hussein and his two sons. Jon Stewart military two son After a long investigation the SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for issuing fraudulent statements exaggerating their profits in 1998 and 1999 during which their CEO was - oh who was it? Oh that's right. ... Cheney himself has not been implicated in the scandal and according to Cheney's lawyer there is no allegation whatsoever that he acted in any way other than in the best interests of the company and its shareholders. And you know what? It's still true today. Jon Stewart scandal today long With the situation in Iraq growing ever more dangerous, the 34-member Coalition of The Willing are, one by one, dropping out to join the other coalition known as Most of The Rest of The World. Jon Stewart dropping-out iraq world As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy. Jon Stewart skins happiness long If there was one lesson to be drawn from Bush's appearance (on 'Meet the Press') it's that he doesn't have to be forthcoming or honest. And he's the first to tell you why. (Bush:) 'I'm a war president.' He added: 'I guess I should have told you that back in 2000.' Jon Stewart president should-have war Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain. Jon Stewart groups president yesterday A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.' Jon Stewart insult-to-injury jokes expression The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day. Jon Stewart odds two people I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.' Jon Stewart debate politics president Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty. Jon Stewart black race men Even if the flag burning amendment does become law, the larger problem will remain of how to respectfully dispose of older, tattered flags. Well, fortunately the U.S. official Flag Code has a suggestion about this. "The flag, when it is in such a condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem of display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning." Owwwwcchh. In response, the House Republicans are calling for tattered flags to be kept alive via a feeding tube. Jon Stewart suggestions law house
