Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it. Doug Stanhope More Quotes by Doug Stanhope More Quotes From Doug Stanhope I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny. Doug Stanhope good-things What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more. Doug Stanhope humor funny years I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never one of those. People think because I talk about drugs, that I smoke pot. But I don't. Doug Stanhope marijuana people thinking Before you ask for the people to rise up and take what's theirs, meet the people, because they're really, really, bafoons. Doug Stanhope asks people The reputation of generosity is to be purchased pretty cheap; it does not depend so much upon a man's general expense, as it does upon his giving handsomely where it is proper to give at all. A man, for instance, who should give a servant four shillings, would pass for covetous, while he who gave him a crown, would be reckoned generous; so that the difference of those two opposite characters, turns upon one shilling. Doug Stanhope opposites character men You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a staircase and hope for the best... you feed her a tapeworm and hope it takes a left at the Y. Doug Stanhope abortion humor funny I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other. Doug Stanhope party mean thinking Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time. Doug Stanhope alcohol sick drinking The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking. Doug Stanhope cds kings ideas Just for being a religion at all you're as complicit as the rest in the retardation of the human intellectual progress. Doug Stanhope progress intellectual religion I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA. Doug Stanhope dad dna mouths I'm in a perfect position. I don't want to be more famous and I can't lose sponsors, so I can say anything I want. Doug Stanhope perfect say-anything want Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show. Doug Stanhope dvds cds ems I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment. Doug Stanhope hype entertainment fun You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science. Doug Stanhope medicine passion writing People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than what they used to do... which sucked a lot. Doug Stanhope used trying people Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade, as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust. But a modest assertion of one's own opinion, and a complaisant acquiescence in other people's, preserve dignity. Doug Stanhope acquiescence dignity people If I was a freak of nature... Hell yeah I wanna do freak shows! I don't wanna be applying for jobs at the mall. Doug Stanhope hell freak jobs I drink every night. But I don't hang out and party. Not that I'm selling out Madison Square Garden, but in the old days after a show you could hang out with a few people. But now you're hanging around with 20 people, all of whom don't know each other, and they're all, "Leave my outgoing greeting on my voice mail, man, come on!" Doug Stanhope party men night I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people. Doug Stanhope gay pride night
