But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar. Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres More Quotes From Ellen DeGeneres I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long. Ellen DeGeneres drifting-off real talking Sometimes the greatest things are the most embarrassing. Ellen DeGeneres embarrassing sometimes Here's the analogy. If my body were a car, I'd be thinking about trading it in around now. I would like to upgrade. I would be actually on the lot somewhere and some guy with a loud sports jacket would be sizing me up...kinda lookin' around goin--maybe kickin my knees. Looking behind me going: That looks a little bashed in back there...Yeah. You mind if I check under the hood?" 'Well yes I do! Thank you very much. Ellen DeGeneres car sports thinking I cannot imagine not going home to animals. They are the closest thing to God. They don't harbour resentment. Ellen DeGeneres pet home animal I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.' Ellen DeGeneres zero humor funny I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now. Ellen DeGeneres stress humor funny Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?" Ellen DeGeneres hate sorry funny I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off. Ellen DeGeneres rip humor funny Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we--' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way. Ellen DeGeneres shopping writing running We use only 10% of our brains... Imagine how smart we would be if we used the other 60%! Ellen DeGeneres smart education math That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it. Ellen DeGeneres cry used life-is I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person. Ellen DeGeneres ass spiritual thinking Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals. Ellen DeGeneres eating-animals eating animal I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes. Ellen DeGeneres happy-birthday crazy kids Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's Adopt-A-Turkey Project. Ellen DeGeneres turkeys thanksgiving sanctuary There is something about TM. It is the only time Ellen DeGeneres peaceful feelings giving There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans Ellen DeGeneres germs believe people When the message out there is so horrible that, to be gay, you can get killed for it... we need to change the message!! Ellen DeGeneres gay messages needs Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical. Ellen DeGeneres eight zero numbers You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance. Ellen DeGeneres just-dance dance
