Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. Spike Milligan More Quotes by Spike Milligan More Quotes From Spike Milligan Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse. Spike Milligan doctors office funny My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. Spike Milligan fathers-day dad funny Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant Spike Milligan elephants One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be? Spike Milligan one-day humor funny Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan kilts perfect order Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake! Spike Milligan alive mistake war God made nightButMan made darkness. Spike Milligan darkness made Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. Spike Milligan born funny people If a robin redbreast in a cage Spike Milligan batteries robins heaven General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me. Spike Milligan wells london I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. Spike Milligan singing laughing years Policemen are numbered in case they get lost. Spike Milligan humor lost funny Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death. Spike Milligan illness life-is long The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson. Spike Milligan iron use book In the human race today, you came last. Spike Milligan lasts race today Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex. Spike Milligan eye beautiful beauty How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. Spike Milligan humorous witty funny Its all in the mind, you know. Spike Milligan mind knows Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse Spike Milligan born inspiration mother To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral. Spike Milligan funeral singing want