Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered. George Carlin More Quotes by George Carlin More Quotes From George Carlin Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind - the ironic part is that it's presented as a good thing, and its effect is absolutely catastrophic to individuals and to societies. George Carlin ironic individual good-things When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? George Carlin impatient genuine wonder When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion. George Carlin bullshit atheist league I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. George Carlin loner bother children Heart disease has changed my eating habits, but I still cook bacon for the smell. George Carlin smell disease heart These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. George Carlin election humorous people Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? George Carlin machines humor funny Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. George Carlin stupid-people humor funny Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. George Carlin cherish health helping I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it. George Carlin commit suicide ifs If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? George Carlin shells naked turtles If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left side of it. I believe the difference between right and left is that the right, for the most part, the bulk of their philosophy is interested in property, and the rights of people to own property and gain and acquire and keep property. And I think on the left - though they blend and mix - on the left primarily you will find people who are more concerned about humans, and the human condition, and what can be done. George Carlin philosophy believe fall Life is a near-death experience. George Carlin near-death funny-life life-is Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin smart running thinking Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent. George Carlin cuisine used pay What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? George Carlin mean-girls inspirational funny I'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes are exaggerated for a theatric stage - you're on a stage you have an audience of 2500 or 3000 people: you need to project the feelings, the emotions it's heightened, and people mistake it for a personal anger but it's more dissatisfaction, disappointment and contempt for these things we've settled for. George Carlin disappointment mistake people If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. George Carlin stupid doors people By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin stupid-people tools truth An entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. An artist is on a journey: they don't know where they're going, what is going to happen, but they know they are not there yet, and there is some continuity and growth. I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter. George Carlin artist journey thinking
