Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex. Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld More Quotes From Jerry Seinfeld On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!' Jerry Seinfeld boxes costumes sides Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing. Jerry Seinfeld self birthday years Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld humorous witty funny You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Jerry Seinfeld funny-birthday happy-birthday blow I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time. Jerry Seinfeld chickens i-can looks To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. Jerry Seinfeld life-is-good movement moving A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking. Jerry Seinfeld learning reading book Fear of success is one of the new fears I've heard about lately. And I think its definitely a sign that we're running out of fears. A person suffering from fear of success is scraping the bottom of the fear barrel. Jerry Seinfeld suffering running thinking Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets. Jerry Seinfeld dog inspiring funny In my world, the wronger something feels, the righter it is. Jerry Seinfeld feels world All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh. Jerry Seinfeld making-people-laugh laughing people Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly." Jerry Seinfeld sorry order thinking You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. Jerry Seinfeld crazy-ideas alive challenges You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...." Jerry Seinfeld crazy dog funny Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise. Jerry Seinfeld smart wise want Pay attention; don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. Jerry Seinfeld cereal falling-in-love attention Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. Jerry Seinfeld comedy anger trying I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. Jerry Seinfeld magazines editors writing I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. Jerry Seinfeld comedy funny thinking Writer's block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work. Jerry Seinfeld excuse block writing
