Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien Prince William's pregnant wife, Kate Middleton, is past her due date. Doctors may have to induce labor. To speed up the birth, doctors have been telling the baby, 'Come on out. You will never have to work a day in your life.' Conan O'Brien doctors baby past The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he's also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it. Conan O'Brien obamacare males female A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate. Conan O'Brien country hands people No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' . Conan O'Brien wit charm personality Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can't write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that's not going to happen. Conan O'Brien marijuana home writing I dont need a pardon. I need a job. Conan O'Brien pardon jobs needs If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. Conan O'Brien encouraging life funny Election officials say that in 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Can you imagine that? With one swipe you can choose a president and at the same time tell him or her where you want to hook up. Conan O'Brien smartphones hook president Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like they have fake names. Apparently, the fakest-sounding name is Barack Obama. Conan O'Brien fake names people A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' Conan O'Brien women inspirational funny In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. Conan O'Brien virginia blow men Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world. Conan O'Brien planning powerful world It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected to be the first time Barack uses his veto power. Conan O'Brien mother white moving Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. Conan O'Brien rock-and-roll rocks years North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un reportedly has had 15 of his top officials executed. So the lesson here is when Kim Jong Un comes to work with a new haircut, you tell him, 'Looking good, Un.' Conan O'Brien korean kim lessons Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent. Conan O'Brien eggs easter white Indiana's governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is not anti-gay. Then immediately afterwards he said, 'April Fools.' It wasn't his best joke. Conan O'Brien gay fire law The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads. Conan O'Brien four campaigns choices In a recent interview, Michelle Obama said that the Secret Service taught Malia how to drive. In exchange, Malia taught the Secret Service how to throw a party when her parents are away. Conan O'Brien party parent secret Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year, and it's Ed Begley Jr. Conan O'Brien magazines president years