For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper. Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield More Quotes From Rodney Dangerfield I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities. Rodney Dangerfield teethfourwant I can't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield no-respectcomplaintscomplaining Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! Rodney Dangerfield dadrunningfunny My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you." Rodney Dangerfield homemeankids What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! Rodney Dangerfield childhoodmenfirsts Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury. Rodney Dangerfield groupswifesex You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving. Rodney Dangerfield drivingcarerunning If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong. Rodney Dangerfield asspainsex I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it". Rodney Dangerfield subwayhumorfunny My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Rodney Dangerfield boyfriendcutefunny I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms. Rodney Dangerfield girlhumorfunny My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing. Rodney Dangerfield sawswifelasts His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings. Rodney Dangerfield humorblowfunny When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up. Rodney Dangerfield custodyfightingparent I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her. Rodney Dangerfield girlhumorfunny I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?" Rodney Dangerfield humorfunnysex I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to. Rodney Dangerfield girlhumorousfunny My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill. Rodney Dangerfield realgamesgolf My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door. Rodney Dangerfield bedroomdogdoors I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother Rodney Dangerfield no-respectdoctorsmother
