George Bush hates midgets. Chris Rock More Quotes by Chris Rock More Quotes From Chris Rock I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"' Chris Rock daughter girl winning Men do not settle down. Men surrender. Chris Rock surrender love men Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. Chris Rock liquor-stores humor funny Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to. Chris Rock shopping humor funny If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail! Chris Rock grandma humor funny The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president. Chris Rock like-you president jobs You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched. Chris Rock ifs want thinking I'm a nerd. I'm a little guy... the last guy you'd expect in a romantic movie. Chris Rock nerd guy littles I hate when people go on TV and tell you how hard it is to do animation. No, no, no. UPS is hard work. I’ve done some animation and here's how easy it is. The easiest job in the world. I go in a booth and I go, what’s the line? And the guy goes, it’s time to go to the store. And then I go, it’s time to go to the store. And then they gave me $1 million. Chris Rock hard-work hate jobs We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed. Chris Rock daddy poor bed I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing. Chris Rock rocks school thinking Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. Chris Rock lying-men men lying See... Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her! Chris Rock humor men funny It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever. Chris Rock easier shows forever A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage. Chris Rock sense-of-humor long way Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know? Chris Rock humor white funny Nobody's about saving anymore. No one cares about a rainy day anymore. Nobody saves up enough for even an umbrella for a rainy day. It's sad. It really is a new form of slavery. We used to work to be able to afford material things. Now we work for these things. They're the boss. That house you can't afford, that car that's out of your price range, that cellphone that drains your bank account - that's your boss. Chris Rock rainy-day car house People really cared more about women's hair. But nobody takes you seriously with Jheri curls is what we've deduced. If you got an Afro and you go "Fight the power" people will follow you. If you got a Jheri curl, people just laugh. Chris Rock fighting laughing people I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show . . . What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one. And they don't recognize comedy, and you don't see a lot of black people nominated, so why should I watch it? Chris Rock fashion men people I don't think my comedy is that political. It's more social. But whatever. When you make comedy and you do stand-up, you work alone. Movies have to go under so much scrutiny. A stand-up special is a vision, and a movie is a consensus in a lot of ways. Chris Rock vision political thinking
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