He opened a window in my heart, and the light of the world shined in. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck. And don't call me Regis. David Letterman necks hurt numbers Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. ... There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife. David Letterman iphone wife problem Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode? David Letterman sarcastic night funny Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well. David Letterman ministers information today You folks like TV, you watch a lot of TV? There's a show right here on CBS, it's a huge hit. It's called the "Mentalist." And it's about this guy who has a heightened sense of observation. It's miraculous; he's the only guy in the world who can tell the difference between Sarah Palin and Tina Fey. David Letterman differences guy world During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha! David Letterman debate noses class You know, Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska, you know that. And she's a lifelong member of the National Rifle Association. So great, is what I'm thinking, another vice president that shoots a drinking buddy; just get ready. David Letterman alaska drinking thinking John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go. David Letterman chinese friday years North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il may be stepping down. Yeah, experts in the State Department say he could be replaced by his son, Menta Li Ill. David Letterman experts may son The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.' David Letterman approval-rating isis united-states You know who's upset now with ISIS? Al Qaeda. It's because ISIS is getting more attention than Al Qaeda. So now, Saturday night will be Ayman al-Zawahiri bobblehead night. David Letterman upset isis night Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early. David Letterman iraq clinton president Congratulations to Bill and Hillary Clinton: this weekend, 33rd wedding anniversary. How about that? And you thought the Iraqi war was a never-ending conflict. David Letterman wedding-anniversary congratulations war Let's have some wine, go upstairs, and look at my money. David Letterman upstairs wine looks Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist. David Letterman krispy-kreme boxes interesting Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg. David Letterman congratulations hussein years Every day is President's Day when you have an intern! David Letterman president Reasons why members of Congress deserve a pay raise: Many big corporations are cutting back on bribes; nearly half the members have never been indicted. David Letterman cutting half pay Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down.There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing. David Letterman gambling done looks The CIA special unit that was searching for Osama bin Laden has been disbanded. So I guess, mission accomplished. David Letterman disbanded osama-bin-laden special
