He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. Groucho Marx More Quotes by Groucho Marx More Quotes From Groucho Marx Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx political-willfreedomart I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx happyhappinessinspirational Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out. Groucho Marx open-mindedbrainfall I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are. Groucho Marx vegetariananimal The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho Marx fake-peoplelifefunny If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. Groucho Marx sarcasmsarcasticfunny Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx educationfriendshipfunny There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan. Groucho Marx planstwoneeds Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. Groucho Marx inspirationallifefunny Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun. Groucho Marx dogfunlove Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light. Groucho Marx lovelifefunny [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. Groucho Marx crazywittyfunny While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. Groucho Marx miseryformmoney I intend to live forever, or die trying. Groucho Marx funny-lifeforeverdeath When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.' Groucho Marx wittyfriendshipfunny What have future generations ever done for us? Groucho Marx future-generationgenerationsdone I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that. Groucho Marx humorouswittyfunny I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal. Groucho Marx fearwittyfunny Budget: a way of going broke methodically Groucho Marx brokeinspirationway I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now. Groucho Marx personssex
