Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show. by Eoin Colfer

Hilarious, dude. You should, like, have your own show.

Eoin Colfer

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I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too sc... by Eoin Colfer

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

scared would-be clever

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums. by Eoin Colfer

A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums.

cds technology museums

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punis... by Eoin Colfer

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

imagination trouble knows

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because th... by Eoin Colfer

Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

confidence cocky humorous

The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

hooked over-you reading

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

monkeys optimistic moon

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often f... by Eoin Colfer

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

bed two kids

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you'... by Eoin Colfer

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

tag names people

Oh, I'm crazy all right. I do have plenty of psychoses. Multiple personality, delusional dementia, OCD. I've got them all, but most of all, I'm crazy about you.

psychosis crazy personality

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male try... by Eoin Colfer

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

males trying men

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are d... by Eoin Colfer

Other men look up and down, left and right; but men like us are different. We are visionaries.

different men looks

You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.

passion fire thinking

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel... by Eoin Colfer

Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!

who-cares steel looks

There is no such thing as a happy ending. Every culture has a maxim that makes this point, while nowhere in the Universe is there a single gravestone that reads 'He Loved Everything About His Life, Especially the Dying Bit at the End'.

happy-endings dying culture

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

middle lasts firsts

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am... by Eoin Colfer

They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.

tunnels gone boys

She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.

hollies priorities suffering

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out... by Eoin Colfer

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

theory-of-evolution dams cheese

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's dea... by Eoin Colfer

Nobody's death is impending." ..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.

wells

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be... by Eoin Colfer

Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.

bliss ignorance sometimes