I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory. Andy Kindler More Quotes by Andy Kindler More Quotes From Andy Kindler Kevin James is going to do a couple of specials. One's called It's Getting Muggy In Here. Andy Kindler kevin couple George Lopez has to get a physical comedy checkup every year to make sure his bulging eyes don't get out of control... Good news George... you are humor free! There's no sign of comedy anywhere in your blood stream. Andy Kindler eye blood years I'm Jewish... We're a very nervous group. Paranoid. Anxiety-ridden. Maybe that Hitler thing made us a little jumpy. Nothing like a Holocaust to make you mind your Ps and Qs for a couple hundred years I always say. Andy Kindler holocaust couple years Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped. Andy Kindler sidekicks car guy Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks. Andy Kindler crackers redneck guy Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch. Andy Kindler bait roots watches Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so offended. Andy Kindler conan desks guy I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this. Andy Kindler upset driving names Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street. Andy Kindler apologizing apology guy I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map! Andy Kindler maps guy people There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented. Andy Kindler talent genius people The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone. Andy Kindler pixar phones guy I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler. Andy Kindler aces machines perfect My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car. Andy Kindler wife party keys Jewish people, we don't believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. We're suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much we've suffered. Passover - we're celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. We're celebrating, 'Hey, thank God we didn't get slaughtered. Andy Kindler holiday believe years Republicans are just rich, old, white people - that's all they are. You ever see the Republican National Convention? All white people - six black people: paid actors. James Earl Jones in his most difficult, challenging role! Tune in and attempt to watch him look pleased during a George Bush speech. And Clarence Thomas - as himself. Andy Kindler challenges white people I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert. Andy Kindler three song thinking I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about. Andy Kindler together talking men Eddie Izzard is doing his show in French... Will he be able to fake ad-lib as well in other languages? He's been speaking French for a while now, but he's talking about doing his act in German. Haven't the German people suffered enough? Andy Kindler fake talking people CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me. Andy Kindler cnn news helping
