I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke. Billy Connolly More Quotes by Billy Connolly More Quotes From Billy Connolly Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! Billy Connolly witty inspirational funny Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. Billy Connolly answers trying people Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh. Billy Connolly should-have fun jobs I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something. Billy Connolly growing-up mean thinking The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one. Billy Connolly bars politician desire What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser! Billy Connolly burgers mcdonalds looks A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!" Billy Connolly girlfriend brother funny Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on. Billy Connolly humor men funny I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events; they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'. Billy Connolly simply-you love-you thinking My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. Billy Connolly music witty funny When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Billy Connolly humor funny people Never trust anybody with only one book. Billy Connolly never-trust book I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home. Billy Connolly rottweilers fans home Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is. Billy Connolly reality art needs I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white. Billy Connolly smart clever funny Politically correct is the language of cowardice. Billy Connolly politically-correct cowardice language Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?" Billy Connolly humor morning funny Don't die until you're dead. Billy Connolly aging dies A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand. Billy Connolly drink wells hands I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Billy Connolly humorous witty funny
