I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk. Robert Benchley More Quotes by Robert Benchley More Quotes From Robert Benchley The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled. Robert Benchley antagonism common men If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge. Robert Benchley humorous funny thinking There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. Robert Benchley humor worry people We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. Robert Benchley born comedy people A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a tendency of the collar to shut off all breathing, trembling of the kidneys to whatever tune the orchestra is playing, and a general sense of giddiness when the matter of rent is brought up. Forty is Life's Golden Age. Robert Benchley birthday men fall Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one Robert Benchley dog mother animal We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on. Robert Benchley uniforms doors men The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest. Robert Benchley family character country My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out. Robert Benchley bed chance fall It must be a source of great chagrin to those in charge to think of so many people being able to stick a stamp on a letter and drop it in a mail box without any trouble or suffering at all. They are probably working on a system this very minute, trying to devise some way in which the public can be made to fill out a blank, stand in line, consult some underling who will refer him to a superior, and then be made to black up with burned cork before they can mail a letter. Robert Benchley suffering people thinking Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria. Robert Benchley modern-life class children The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty. Robert Benchley family dog funny People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now. Robert Benchley cracks may people There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. Robert Benchley income money way I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine. Robert Benchley sitting-down shining sitting One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully. Robert Benchley baseball running men Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men. Robert Benchley pitcher ice men We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. "The Japanese are a remarkable little people," we say, as if we were doing them a favor. "He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither." Why "but"? Robert Benchley prejudice play people Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper. Robert Benchley next habit solitude I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle. Robert Benchley wells i-can justice
