I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. Fred Allen More Quotes by Fred Allen More Quotes From Fred Allen Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange. Fred Allen orangehollywoodart Everywhere outside New York City is Bridgeport, Connecticut. Fred Allen humornew-yorkfunny My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back. Fred Allen hometowntidesdull She used to be a teacher but she has no class now. Fred Allen humorteacherfunny You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. Fred Allen movieheartfunny When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat. Fred Allen catmusicplay An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. Fred Allen humorfunnyart During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. Fred Allen humormenfunny Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. Fred Allen humorfunnyyears The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. Fred Allen parishumorouscities Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. Fred Allen objectivitymenlife Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host. Fred Allen partymenpeople We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. Fred Allen comediancompetitionhistorical He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. Fred Allen blindsarcasticeye The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret. Fred Allen friendshipfunnytravel A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. Fred Allen agentsstarsfunny All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter. Fred Allen laughterhumorfunny I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. Fred Allen humorplayfunny He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose. Fred Allen workwritingfunny Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. Fred Allen humormenfunny
