My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back. Fred Allen More Quotes by Fred Allen More Quotes From Fred Allen I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen sarcastichumorousfunny I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. Fred Allen humorfunnydeath It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips. Fred Allen happinessinspirationalfunny Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. Fred Allen cookinglittlesfood Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. Fred Allen failurehumorfunny If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it. Fred Allen cuttingupliftingworry Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. Fred Allen humorfunnypeople A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen hard-workhumorfunny The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Fred Allen church-choircleverfunny An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. Fred Allen incomehumorfunny Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. Fred Allen humorbusinessfunny An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. Fred Allen agencyconfusionbusiness Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. Fred Allen technologyhumorfunny Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Fred Allen starsmistakefunny Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done. Fred Allen mediumsradiodone I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Fred Allen laughtereducationgraduation It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. Fred Allen stay-stronggoallove I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. Fred Allen writingfunnyyears Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart. Fred Allen gnatstwoart The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. Fred Allen humormenfunny
